It's new year!

终于到2014年啦

管米粒该长大了

二十岁可不是当好听的说

劝自己的话也听多啦

不如说一说2013年的最夯事件吧

⭐️ 终于拿到certificate of fundamental 啦😁

⭐️ 有机会在文化遗产日当了一日古人😎

⭐️ 完成了槟城壁画脚车一日游😜❤️

⭐️ 终于烫直了头发💁☺️

⭐️ 去过槟城escape经历难忘的挑战😖😱

⭐️ 经历过难忘的生日💌🎂

⭐️ 第一次穿成人泳衣游泳👙

⭐️ 去了两次KL, 第一次坐LRT和火车😫

⭐️ 参与协助净莲慈善摄影比赛👴👵

⭐️ 去过已关闭的马六甲苏丹街😋🍗🍤🍡

在2013的最后一个夜晚，终于有机会countdown和看烟花了！感谢你给我这个机会，和你度过了一个灿烂的夜晚，一个甜蜜的2013 ❤️

2014年将会是一个充满挑展的一年，希望大家可以一起努力，在这新的365页日记，留下深刻的生命痕迹。

知足常乐

Silent

defeated ?
admit all the weakness and continue stubborn?
insisting I'm the right?
this is not the end yet
do you want to continue like this for your whole life?
no confident, no improvement.
no social skill, can't live in society.
no concentration, no success.
but this all are now useless for me
all i need is determination
and dare to dream
and get what i want
i was listening to others for too long
when could i get my voice
and put all my effort to get what i want?
now,
i have forgot what i dreamt,
what i wanna be
what i wanna get
and even shopping, i also dunno what i want
i see the price before i desire to get the thing
so now i become
don't get the thing if i dun have these ability.
but why don't i put my real effort to get what i want?
instead of giving up?
i can dreamt to get more money
to get the comfort that i want
hmmm….
although i always tell myself to be a real me
but it turn to another way always
hmmm…. repeating one thing is tired
when can i stop listening to others?
and insist to be me?




too long,
i have never desire anything
life is empty without dream
heart is breathing but never alive
now I'm only like a dice
let others to decide my life

I don't want to be emo anymore.

But... What is the reason for me to smile?

I always look down myself before anyone.

I must believe that everything I own are very precious.

But it always end up when I enlarge my small mistakes.

I hate it, truly.

When friends were not around, 

I looks so small and mean nothing.

If one day I get invisible,

I hope I could live into others life without getting their attention.

Maybe this is me.

Who always hide from others attention when living with them.

I feel calm and satisfy every time in this situation. 

I like it, sincerely.

I know you are in a very exhausted situation,

I might can't imagine how is your tiredness.

Not even go through a little of it.

I'm speechless 

What I could do is just listen to you.

I know you are having a lot of struggle in ur current life,

You are lost and lossing confident,

When I am telling u: you can make it!

Looks like you will become even stress.

But.... It is just what I could say.

To help you to get back yourself.

Sorry that I m not a good comforter and motivator.

Maybe thousand of quotes or advices you have been bored with.

All you need is more psychological supports and a way of out your struggle with belief. Am I right? 

Hmmmmm.....

What I want to tell is 

I will support you!!

Although it might can't help much 

Just hope it could be a little bit of your motivation and support. 

So wish you could find your own way and 

Don't fear of any challenges and difficulties

You know you have all lots of people support you behind

Your mum, little bro, your bros, your friends and even our classmates! 

I know they will stand for you no matter what. 

Hmmmmm....

Finally...

Jia you ba! 

'Face any problem with a sincerely heart'

(Learnt from tv)

You always say u r 'shen' right? 

So You can make it..!

^.^

Every time when I listen to their songs, it always make me melting and forget all my stubborn thinking at the moment. Just sit down and play their songs in earphone, it is always a relief! 

S.H.E is my idol forever! <3 :D

An evil hidden inside my soul

Such a long time

And today 

It finally appears

All my bad things 

That I did before 

All these reminded me that I am a bad person

I just pretend to be a good person 

Pretend for too long

Can't regconised myself

My hates.... To everyone who hurts me before 

I hate ! 

No one will believe the faker like me

No one....

A faker who don't about herself 

A faker who want to take everyone good response

But it doesn't sincere

No one will feel your pretending good

It is an evil hidden

An evil contents with an angel cover

Evil mandy 

Just left the last assignment,

In these days,

Those unsatisfactory or satisfactory,

It is not important anymore...

I'm so tired,

To see my recent weak performance,

It is my weakest sem ever.

But I have no regret that I m already tried my best.

I just lack of time management which I never face before.

I thought I'm good enough,

But now I only know that,

I m not really good, 

Most of the time, if others choose to get harder they are much better than me.

I'm just an idiot who serious all the time. 

The level of outcome don't really improve.

Hmmmm..... 

I have no free time in this sem break,

A break without personal time.

Continue to be a weaker, steamer.....

It is even tired,

When looking them so happy talking with each other,

I can't do anything...

When is the ending of sadness?

I have to change my personal thinking to get happier,

He is so unlucky to have a gf as his classmate, 

So he couldn't play hard and work hard....

I do not mean anything... 

Just express it.

It's late night, 

Feeling so empty in my stomach ,

Watching tv with my mum... Haha

Hmmm... Head blank

Without any quote, any advice to myself...

A night which is simple

Haha...

Sometimes don't think too much is good~ 

Life goes on.

No matter how many rocks are throwing to you,

No matter how many things you need to bear with,

No matter how many fears occur,

No matter how many things you've been lost,

Others' words hard to change you,

Only you can change yourself.

A lot of things happened recently,

Those who have been hurting me, 

I will try to forgive.

But I still need some time.

Finally learnt to look through them deeply.

Is that funny? 

I laugh like fake,

It is truly ridiculous,

I used to be a fake laughter,

Forgotten me.

This is not only my own life.

I'm not emo

The new term is beginning,
Today,
I've received my very previous outwork.
In that time, i really looks smart.
But now, when I looking back to my work before,
I can feel that I'm moving back from the hardworking me.
Now, I become lazy, can't concentrate, losing confidence and
lack of time management.
I've used to live with 'homework' for my past 18 years.
haha...
And now, I'm trying to not listen to my lecturer.
Don't finish the complete one.
I really feel unease with it.
Should I follow other classmates,
or actually i could effect them to follow me?
I do not mean to use all the time for homework,
the problem is just complete some of it by the time?
I don't like to become a good student,
selfish student,
top student...
who is noob enough and always listen to teachers.
I.. just wish to do what I should do.
I just wish to have a normal and complete schooling life.
Just that simple.

There are a lot of things i need to know,

throw out the innocent thinking that i used to be,

accept what's really happening around me.

accepting the hidden part from the person that i always admire,

accepting the 'benefits' relationship between friends,

feeling ridicules looking someone lying with a sincere face.

this all make me to be more bewared to everyone around me.

eveyone is not perfect like what i think before,

no one is perfect,

and

there is less people who would admit his/her defect,

haha... they might even feel they dint wrong.

a lot of people like to find excuses for their mistakes.

maybe it's same to me.

this messy thinking made me down for awhile.

feeling like to ask 

why i realised all of this so late when everyone already knew for a long time?

haha.... innocent!

hmmm.... 

this is real life.

that i never notice it before.

i have ever think of rather live without all of this.

but i know i can't!

this is the real life that i have to go through.

and i must keep positively, optimistic,

and...

STEADY! 

haha...

Evils cant defeat angel.

Recalled back i have ever wished to know all those things.

Thanks God for letting me know :)

Heart core

Lack of concentration, you won't succeed in the future.

That's the comment I receive from someone recently.

I really get it in mind,

and I have tried to make it.

But this intention seems like not going to last long.

Again and again, I'm lost connected.

It messed up my mind.

My work, my efficiency, my thinking have been slowed down.

Just now, my team was rushing to hand in the project.

I'm so sorry that I can't help much in it.

I don't know what I need to do, with my lagging MacBook, 

I need a lot of patient to bear with it.

In the result, my teammates have did a lot of thing. 

I don't think that how hard can I work in teamwork in the future,

Because I'm always fail when doing in a team.

Down...

I can't even make a call to the organizer for my team's benefit.

I don't dare,

I don't want to do any mistake to effect my team efficient.

Hmmmm.... Maybe I'm more suitable to work individually. 

If you ask me whether to stay alone or gather with friends,

The prior choice will be my answer.

Because.... Hmmmm

Down again..

Haha

So suck... 

嗨哟。。。

最近，功课多到我喘不过气来。

觉得人生就只有在做功课，

没有目标，没有方向，

就这样一直做，一直做。

已经努力地做完我该做的事情，

结果还是错，错，错。。。

也错过了许多时间。

我真的很惭愧。

觉得自己没有在想以前那样有魄力，

我的梦想呢？

我的未来，怎么办呢？

为什么我每一天都过得如此不自在？

心如此不安？

我应该惜福，

我拥有很多很多。。。

但是，我总是不懂得满足。

因为我从来没有为自己而活。

想法总被影响，

只会听话，自己懒惰想，

总是觉得别人是对的，我都是错的。

这是我想尽办法改变的老毛病。

哈哈，每个人都有一个老毛病，

你呢？

刚刚妈妈坐在椅子上，

看看了周围，

她对我说了一句让我醒觉的话，

＂你要好好读，以后买一间大大间的房子。＂

对！

我应该继续加油，

以后让我的家人过好生活，

不让父母失望。

我一定要加油！

机会不留人，

我不应该浪费时间在乱想，

我一定要解决人际问题。

哈哈，go for it!!!!

我是怎么了？

Yay!

Gambateh!!!! New sem! New year! New life! New mood! Stuggle ends! Jia you!

我。。。

我真的很痛苦。

虽然微不足道，也不足挂齿。

痛苦， 是因为无法解决的事情。

无法向任何人诉说，

也没有谁能听我说这些事。

今天我虽然对着佛面很长时间，

我的心却没有一刻宁静过。

我越对着佛，我心里就越惭愧。

心中有很多邪念，

很多妒忌，很多对自己的愤怒。。

无法从中解脱，看开。

无法领悟 空 的真义，

没有办法真正开心的生活。

失去自信，遗失自己。

只想要去到一个没有人的地方，

就让我，在没有任何人的意识之下，

自生自灭。。。

加油！ 你可以的！

Lovely class

Having funny jokes in class, kept gossip about him and her, laughing all the time, singing loud as no one around with our classmate, and sticking with my darling.... Although it's a temporarily happiness, I always much appreciate it in every second.... =D

Dark Mandy

Listening to soft music,

trying to calm myself from the anger,

such a long time i never felt angry,

like this...

maybe it is just a small thing.

Here came out a question,

should i keep tender?

Or should i start to fight for my own right?

but harmony is my principle of life.

and here is someone who has stepped on me for their higher position,

although im not insist to get that position,
if i keep acting tender,

will they think that i can be bullying easily huh?

but fight back against my disposition.

what should i do?

If i have a chance, 

i hope to fight back,

without hurting anyone and even myself.

i need to train myself to stand still,

to block any harm to myself.

and i can also help my family and my friends...

so...

why dont i try it just once?

那一夜

回到女童军总部，
看到许许多多的回忆，
在里头，
多数都是失败的痕迹。
那些难忘的美好回忆，
难道我都忘了吗？

沉静的黑夜里，
烟花点缀整片天空，
那是传说中的慈善演唱会。
好久没看烟花了，
烟花真的很美。
只可惜，它被污染了，
使我无法尽情地享受它的美。

看到学妹们在营火会的表演，
不知不觉的想起以前青涩的我。
单纯中带点可爱，
无忧无虑的。
但看回现在的我，
多了份哀伤，
也少了份活泼。
这是所谓的成熟吗？

我 跟 定 你 了 ！

Photo photo... ;)

The content of Thinking too much....

Sometimes.... When you have gone through with pain, it doesn't mean that u can gain anything.... So.... Is it fate will decide everything? Or our God create determination and resolution in human so that we could against our fate?

Ya! We can change our destiny!

Mumbling...

Here is week 7 again....
Worrying my work cannot finish....
Worrying here and there...
And I realized that I'm just turning around the assignment...
Not much have done....
The works are just never decrease...
But I must understand that other subjects assignment might be more than us...
So whatever la....
Life kept going on,
Nothing to scare about....
Lets look forward for new adventures in our future....!

你 就 是 我 的 “ 世 界 ”

爱

爱是宝贵的礼物。
爱你所爱的人，
温柔地对待一切，
不要因不幸而怨恨和悲戚。

无论前途怎样凶险，
都要微笑着站定，
因为有爱，我们不该恐惧。

- 光华悠周刊

一个非凡的小女生的话

活着就是希望。一条黑暗的道路，总会有盏盏小明灯，引你走向阳光。

Tired

I'm thinking
I'm thinking
I'm thinking
Thinking of nothing
Nothing nothing
Steam steam
Empty empty
Sleep!

Random

This quotes always help me a lot when I was getting angry... Hopes it would help you too :)

迷失。

遗憾。。。 也许就只有遗憾。
因为我没坚持，而让自己错过很多。
最近都在消极中度过。
也不知道是什么原因，就是觉得很难过。
这十多年来，我到底是为了什么而活？
一直盲目地做该做的事。。。
当那些事完成后，便完全失去自我。
这种日子，我要过到什么时候？

My life's quotes

Be happy doesn't mean to live perfectly, just enjoy the imperfect life journey.

Be dare to try a new thing, you will never know how amazing is the outcome if you don't.

Be good to yourself. =) Remember You are always be loved.

Not everyone's life are the same. So, don't compare your life with others.
Sometimes if your life was empty, it doesn't mean you are wasting time. Just because before it, you have filled it until full. You need some time to let it go. Then prepare yourself to begin a new section of your life.

Believe In God. The arrangement of your fate, the person that you meet in your life, anything that happened in your life, all are needed for you to become tougher before you go to paradise.

Love needs courage, confidence and patient. Let's enjoy the progress.

生命

之所以活着，都是因为我们吃的食物－生命，为我们延长生命。所以，我们不可以让这些生命白白牺牲，我们要让它们给予的每分每秒，更有意义的过。

你要振作！

别太容易被打败，未来还有更长的路要走，更多考验等着你。。。
不要令大家对你失望。

An advice to myself.

世上无完美之人，你只不过是天地间的一粒尘沙。很多事情没有对错，而是相对的，所以不要执着于前者。有些事情已命中注定，做回自己，别胡思乱想，六根清静，减少烦恼，对抗假心。总而言之，别再过戏剧化的生活，脚踏实地，做好自己的本分，一切尽人事，听天命吧～！愿自己过个勇气与自信并存的2013年。但愿身边的人都能平平安安，快快乐乐。（这是真心的）xD